Twisted Fasting

So I started fasting today and wrote a blog entry about it.

Then I lost said blog entry. This did not go over well. However, I have not eaten a Twinkie or a HoHo yet and that alone is a success.

But I’m determined to post daily dammit.

So here’s the story condensed: the people in my family have a history of being fat motherfuckers, myself included. I never got into the 400 pound zone, like my brother, but I nearly made it to 250.

For some ungodly reason I decided it would help my look to cut my hair really short at that time. Take it from me, bad move.

Eventually my brother Jim had gastric bypass surgery, but it only helped kill him, not make him thin. My mother has had lap band surgery and it wasn’t successful either. She would snort chicken and intubate biscuits if need be.

There does not seem to be a quick fix, other than the horrible awful duo of vegetables and sweat.

I am an obnoxious donut-eating, ice cream licking, raw cookie dough consuming disaster. My addiction is sugar, not really all that different from a junkie.

As a kid I wasn’t fat. As a teenager I was really happy I didn’t look like my mother, who was utterly miserable with herself. I couldn’t imagine letting myself go. Then I did.

About five years ago I found out I was diabetic and took it seriously, probably because it killed my grandmother with a massive heart attack at age 57. I completely stopped eating white sugar and white flour. I lost enough weight to leave behind plus size clothing and the mockery of fashion designers decorating fat women with stripes and zoo animals and wooden beads.

Then slowly I began to cheat. Cheating begets cheating. Then suddenly one day you don’t think you can live without a Hundred Thousand Dollar bar. Today I’m back to the same intense cravings I imagine mice have when faced with a block of cheese.

So I’m fasting in an attempt to get back to the point where a sweet potato looks like a gastronomical delight and snow peas make me shudder with glee. By tomorrow I will feel disgusting, my head will hurt like a bitch as the detox hits full swing. If I can make it through the third day I will be home free.

Wish me luck! I need it.

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