I’m taking a break from blogging. Who knew blog stats could become so freaking addictive?
I’ve started writing, posting and then deleting. I was supposed to be writing about my life but instead I sit at the computer and have no life! I can barely get up from my desk to leave the house. I’ve stopped watching television at night with my husband, and I barely go to bed. It’s ridiculous.
Part of the problem may be that I’m not sleeping, staying on the computer until 3, 4, 5 a.m.
And then I catch myself writing an entry about Jennifer Love Hewitt. What the fuck?
My biggest freak-out is over the Wiccan Princess entry, which I’ve deleted, twice. Something bothers me about this one. I’m focusing too much on someone else’s behavior instead of my own. That wasn’t supposed to be the point of all this.
My favorite new blog is Violent Acres, which there is a link to in my blogroll. If you want to read some great stuff, take a look.
One of her entries is about the fact that she believes you need to be willing to be hated in order to deserve love, that you must speak your voice and put it all out there. I’m not doing that. A single negative reply throws me for a loop.
I catch myself being afraid of what someone might think, squelching myself. My ultimate goal is total honesty and I’m not there yet. If I’m not honest here then it’s no different than real life.