The Boat

My Culinary ADD entry was initiated by a trip to Famous Dave’s BBQ joint last night. We probably go to restaurants at least twice a week, but I don’t enjoy it very much lately. The food seems to get more expensive as the quality lessens. We’re looking at a bill for $60 and ate chicken strips & french fries for dinner. This should be the simple definition for “assholes.” If you’re spending that kind of cash, I feel like you should have a great experience. Consider these factors, however: I spend all day, every day, with my daughter; my husband…

People Are Really, Really Nuts

I went to the Hannah Montana movie today. I didn’t see the show, just stood in the lobby. A friend had tickets and needed an extra kid, so mine won the prize. (Thanks, A. & T.!) Anyone who’s unfamiliar with this subject, Hannah Montana has her own television show for pre-teens/teens and is Billy Ray Cyrus’s daughter. He is famous in the field of country music, if you’re still lost. Someone named Miley Cyrus and a group called The Jonas Brothers are also in the movie. The movie is on for a single week, it’s in 3-D, tickets are available…

Colostrum In My Veins

I love puppies, kittens & babies, not in that order. I still have not completely accepted that many grow up to be slobbery dogs, rude cats & old men with hanging, hairy balls. Babies are my favorite part of the universe, despite shitty diapers & projectile vomiting. The first time around, having a son was my only thought. I needed a son, a carbon copy of the father. And I got my wish, better than any lottery win. I was 25, holding down two jobs, and I nursed him for 20 months. It was difficult but not impossible, probably my…

Movie Catalog

This weekend we saw “Alive,” “Crazy In Love” and “The Comebacks.” Completely loved “Alive,” cannibalism and all. Made me think twice about wanting to live where there are 12 or 15 feet of snow, particularly the avalanche scene. Favorite movie of all. I could definitely eat people if it meant staying alive. It didn’t seem quite as gross to me as I thought it should. But I really loved these rugby team boys and maybe the fact that I wanted them to eat it and survive was part of that. “Crazy In Love,” holy shit, now that’s my kind of…

Funking Good Weather

I got a call the other day from a friend, “It’s beautiful outside! You want to go to a park or something?” AUGH! You have no idea how much I hate good weather. I hate weather girls. I hate weather men. They seem to think we’re all the same. I say, “Just report the fucking weather, don’t tell me whether I should like it or not! Don’t tell me I should be upset that it’s going to snow, because I’m not! Don’t tell me it’s 85 and gorgeous, because then I have to hate you.” First of all, my definition…

Junkie

After posting my last nasty entry about my hatred of heat, I had to laugh when I traveled to the lovely blog at Owl Moon Studio, as noted on the blogroll. She mentioned what lovely spring weather we’re having! I think what I need to admit, to myself and whoever is listening, is that I’m on the stuff again. The attitude is all about the addiction. I’m on the shit. I’m a junkie. The sugar has taken a hold once more and it’s got me in its grip. Every day I try to get back on track and every day…

Psychotic Break

In Fried Green Tomatoes, one of the best scenes ever filmed, Kathy Bates rams the car of some teen-age beauties who stole her parking space and then laughed at her. It is an age old battle cry for middle-aged women over the edge. I didn’t go quite that far. It all started because I just simply wanted to wash the car and vacuum its’ interior. I love my car, a hot Dodge Charger with a hemi that will blow away anyone attempting to cut me off at an entrance ramp. I had great intentions. First, I stepped out of the…

Bitch Extraordinaire

Many of you have read the entry wherein I admitted to giving a child with peanut allergies a Nutter-Butter cookie. I want to express clearly that this was done in error, I did not do it on purpose. You will understand why I state this right out front after I write what comes next. I received an e-mail from another mother about a Valentine activity coming up on Monday, wherein she states, “Please do not bring food with nuts, even for your own consumption. Daniel is very allergic!” And I am embarrassed to admit that the first thought that popped…

Gynecology 101

Today we took a field trip to the gynecologist.  On the way there, the 10-year old had a few questions.  She became squeamish after my first response and then didn’t walk to talk about it any more.  I guess it’s one thing to hear Oprah say “Va-jay-jay,” like it’s a talking monkey, and another to discuss the real deal. Once in the private room, I strip down and put on the gown.  My daughter begins bitching that she has to hold my clothes, since she’s sitting on the only available chair.  I am amazed that she could find something to complain about when…

Midwest Girl

Unless you’ve lived in the midwest I think it’s impossible to really comprehend. I grew up in downstate IL with 3,599 other people and a cobblestone Main Street. Park in the middle of town, drive a mile in any direction, and end up in a soybean or corn field. Blacks actually lived on the other side of the tracks. Jews didn’t live there at all, nor Muslims or any people with more than six or seven letters in their last name. There were very few Catholics; they were considered odd and a little too different for comfort. The only Mexicans…