Bitch Extraordinaire

Many of you have read the entry wherein I admitted to giving a child with peanut allergies a Nutter-Butter cookie. I want to express clearly that this was done in error, I did not do it on purpose. You will understand why I state this right out front after I write what comes next.

I received an e-mail from another mother about a Valentine activity coming up on Monday, wherein she states, “Please do not bring food with nuts, even for your own consumption. Daniel is very allergic!”

And I am embarrassed to admit that the first thought that popped into my mind was the idea that I should fill my pants with peanuts, as many peanuts as an elephant trainer could carry in his alternative costume, the clown suit with 12 pockets.

I promise I won’t really do it.

But I wonder, would Daniel smell the peanuts in my pockets? Would the party be more exciting?

I am fascinated by the human mind. The other day my daughter and I were driving down the road and she was inhaling chocolate covered raisins. I thought one dropped in her shirt.

I told her that if a chocolate covered raisin fell into her shirt and melted just a little bit, then stuck to her nipple, she might think she had a tumor. I would remove the tumor and be her hero, never letting her know it was actually a chocolate covered raisin.

This led us into a rather hilarious discussion about covering her father with chocolate covered raisins in his sleep, using super glue to either put one between his eyes or cover his entire body as though he had strange brown raised measles.

I’m still thinking this is a great idea.

Would the chocolate melt? Would he think he was bleeding and begin to scream like a little girl?

Where do thoughts come from?

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