Changes . . .

I stopped writing for a while, as I felt I was being too negative, focusing too much on the past. I’ve made some big changes in my life and I feel so much better. Honest to God, no one needs a therapist as much as they really need a great hairdresser. I stopped wearing sweatshirts and found some clothes I like. I had to, it was really hot this summer. I took my daughter out of school and began to homeschool. I’m excited to be around people who are interesting and unique. I don’t need to agree with someone if…

My Weight

In 1979 I flunked a class entitled “Personal Health & Weight Control,” my sophomore year at the University of Oregon, and instead jumped out of a plane and got an A in Skydiving. Did I lose any weight from skydiving? No. Was it a fun experience? No. It was horrific. But so was the fat class. How do the two relate? Even at 19 the skykdiving instructor could read me well enough to say, “Please be honest about your weight because it really matters when choosing a parachute.” I probably weighed about 167 at the time, something that made me…

Haiti & Twinkies

I know a woman adopting a third child, a boy from Haiti.  I am fascinated by this jump from a cliff and a little jealous.  I am in awe at the Olympian-like willingness to accept the necessary pain and take home the gold.  I am not an Olympian.  I’m the guy who gets in a car when the marathon begins and then waits in a bush near the finish line. It’s the fact that he’s a third child that brings up issues for me.  Why did I stop at two? I wish I was the kind of person who would go for…

Truly unprejudiced

My daughter is 10 and she met a friend named T. who was adopted and happens to be black.  Her parents are both clearly white.  And my daughter asked me, “Does she know she’s adopted?”  I love that. She has not learned the technicalities of sex yet and when she recently asked why someone could not have a baby her second question was, “Can’t they just plant the seed?  You know, the seed!”  We have more friends who have had children through in vitro than otherwise.  I wish we could maintain her innocence for longer than it will be possible.…

One Day Childhood Ends

Yesterday my daughter washed and dried her hair for the first time.  She recently had her very first professional haircut and layers were added to her long curls, making it easier to deal with.  It’s no longer stringy and separate, or hanging like a long rastafarian’s dreadlocks. In the car she began telling my husband and I that the reason she wants to do her own hair is because of all the bitching I did while removing the tangles.  Sometimes we would go 3 or 4 days without taking on the task, and then it would be an overwhelming nightmare. …

How to win the lottery. Tips from mathematicians

We all wondered how to win the lottery, but what we would do with the lotto millions! Some would buy the car they dream of, the villa with the pool they see in movies or the neighbors, or they would travel all over the world. Others would help others in need. For this, however, some luck is needed. However, mathematicians say that luck is made by the man with his hand, being almost certain that you can greatly increase your chances of winning with the help of mathematics. How to win the lottery – that’s the secret Renato Gianella, a…

Diabetic Hell and/or My Husband is an Evil Genius

It’s been about 10 years that I’ve known about my diabetes and the fact that it means I should consume no white sugar, no white flour.  In the beginning I took it quite seriously. I remember sitting in a restaurant with tears streaming down my face as I ordered a turkey sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce, onion and mustard while my family members ate french fries and burgers. Do I tend toward feeling sorry for myself?  Oh fuck yes.  It’s not a trait I like, not something I feel pride in, but at least I’m honest.  I’m like a…

Human Meat Loaf Explodes

The only thing that motivates me most days is anger, not love or money or sex or competition, just anger.  I like the feeling that my head is about to pop off. When life is smooth I’m basically a human meat loaf. It’s most often people on Facebook who do me the favor of pissing me off, since I am a social misfit who only leaves the house when absolutely necessary. Today a woman named Lisa is asking how long her husband gets a free pass before she can call him an asshole.  They’re on their way to his mother’s…

There’s A Burrito In My Pants

My daughter and I were on our way to meet friends at Barnes & Noble.  As always, I was running late. The only time it would ever interest me to scrub out the tub is when the car is packed to go on vacation.  Similarly, I might start a blog entry when I’m supposed to meet someone, like today, in an hour. The end result: I never take the time to properly put myself together.  I wear the same clothes I slept in more often than the average bear. On this particular Saturday night, as Rachel and I flew down the road,…

No Matter Where I Go, There I Am

Since my husband retired our lives have simply been weird. For close to three months I’ve been sleeping on the couch. It took a while to get used to it, but now I’m relatively comfy and it works. But when I wake up in the morning he is sitting approximately three feet from my head, as is exhibited in the following photo: Our home is relatively large, but every morning he’s right there working on a sudoku puzzle in the NY Post. To be perfectly fair, this is the seat he always sat in before I began sleeping on the…