Twisted Shit (In My Shoe)

WARNING: If you have a weak stomach avoid this entry . . . There are embarrassing things and then there are tragedies.  I don’t even know what to call the incident that happened yesterday, but I can’t let it go by without telling you about it, although you may never read me again afterwards.  But that’s okay. Only once in my life have I had a similar experience, and that was during childbirth.  I don’t think you can compare the two, really.  I mean, if you bear down and push hard enough while having a baby, lots of women poop…

Twisted ~ All On My Own

It all began to fall apart when my brother Jim died in August of 2018. Nothing since has ever felt the same. Until it happened I couldn’t have known my little brother was a weight-bearing cornerstone of my planet. It’s small solace to know how much I’m sure this pleases him. It happened the same week my one and only son moved to NYC (soon to be San Diego, and then West Hollywood). The same week one of my closest friend’s sons stepped in front of a train. Every single belief I held as a sure thing came into question.…

Twisted Fears

Lately when I write it sounds like I’m taking myself way too seriously, sort of like a 51-year old hormonal tight ass.  Nothing could be more completely unacceptable. But even as I write those words I hear a voice in my head say, “Well, it IS your only life.  It would be nice if you didn’t fuck it up.  You might want to take it a LITTLE seriously.” Some people stop eating (not me), some people get ulcers (not me).  Fear simply paralyzes me. I just had the most evil thought . . . I’m starting to sound like Oprah. * * * As Anni said…

Twisted Pieces of My Heart

I’ve been the kind of mother who is a pain in the ass to all authority.  I once wrote 2 pages of instructions regarding my daughter’s potential haircut.  After handing them over to the salon owner I proceeded to burst into tears.  She did not get her hair cut that day. Oh, yes, I am a fucking freak.  In my defense, I have had fine, straight, brown hair my entire life.  My daughter has magnificent blonde curls.  How can she possibly be mine?!  If you fuck with her curls, if you even tell her she should straighten her hair, you awaken a wildebeast…

Twisted Stalking Bitch

Tonight I realized, again, that my mother is stalking me on Facebook.  It is completely disgusting and creeps me out to know she’s following me around, reading the comments I write even to people she doesn’t know.  How did I find out?  She followed up my comment with one of her own. On top of everything else her spelling and grammar are heinous. I’ve blocked her completely in the past, but I’d rather she’s unaware I even care.  So now I’m going to have to play games. Perhaps I will come out as a lesbian on Facebook, but only make it so my mom can read…

H-IV Negative &/or Still Twisted After All These Years

It came up again today, which doesn’t happen very often. Someone asked me how I could possibly be H-IV negative when I’d had a baby with a man who was H-IV positive. I began to stutter. The fear is never completely gone, it’s always there, at least the memory of it. Such a crazy time it was, pregnant at 25 by a guy with this new disease I’d barely heard of but knew could kill me. A disease I couldn’t talk about because people would run, shun, shy away, freak out, even those in the medical profession. I had to…

Dancing Girls

Everything I believed at 25 and 35 and 45 has been turned upside down & twisted around. Nothing is as it seemed: not my marriage, not my family, not the mistaken belief that Mel Gibson was an attractive & reasonable man with an adorable sense of humor. Last week at a freaking Jonas Brothers concert it happened again. WTF? * * * * * Immediately upon confirmation of the pregnancy resulting in my daughter, before I even knew she was a girl, I began shrieking “Oh my God, she’ll be huge & have an enormous head like your sons!“ (I…

Twisted Fasting

So I started fasting today and wrote a blog entry about it. Then I lost said blog entry. This did not go over well. However, I have not eaten a Twinkie or a HoHo yet and that alone is a success. But I’m determined to post daily dammit. So here’s the story condensed: the people in my family have a history of being fat motherfuckers, myself included. I never got into the 400 pound zone, like my brother, but I nearly made it to 250. For some ungodly reason I decided it would help my look to cut my hair…

Happily Twisted

Today was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. It doesn’t take much. I’m relatively low maintenance unless you’re comparing me to someone in a coma. Occasionally I spend time with people who need everything to be “just so,” and I feel extremely lucky that in most situations I’m perfectly comfortable just going with the flow. As long as everyone I love stays alive, the day is golden. My son sent me pictures from a plane ride he took around San Diego with a pilot friend. They landed safely. My daughter made me laugh like crazy…

Twisted Phone Antics

Interviewing for jobs has left me needing to actually answer my phone. Oh God, I hate answering the phone. As a little girl I was normal, running to get the telephone, expecting some kind of unbelievable excitement on the other end whenever it rang. That was subdued to some extent when some freak began making prank calls to our home. Nothing scares me more than an anonymous enemy, heavy breathing on the other end of the line or someone standing outside the window in the dark. I actually shuddered as I wrote that line. My PTSD with regard to phone…