Please Tell Me I’m High On Mushrooms, Not Looking At One Under Your Breast

In May I took a trip to the midwest for over two weeks. My mother and sister live in Kentucky and were just six hours away, so I went for just a day.  Miraculously, my mother never fails to outdo herself. After spending time with the children I sat at the dining room table with her.  Her failings aside, there is never a time I don’t feel guilty for being a relatively horrible daughter. For instance, she filled my trunk up with Christmas gifts.  I did not give her one.  I felt better after opening a few boxes, specifically one with…

Twisted Shit (In My Shoe)

WARNING: If you have a weak stomach avoid this entry . . . There are embarrassing things and then there are tragedies.  I don’t even know what to call the incident that happened yesterday, but I can’t let it go by without telling you about it, although you may never read me again afterwards.  But that’s okay. Only once in my life have I had a similar experience, and that was during childbirth.  I don’t think you can compare the two, really.  I mean, if you bear down and push hard enough while having a baby, lots of women poop…