One Day Childhood Ends

Yesterday my daughter washed and dried her hair for the first time.  She recently had her very first professional haircut and layers were added to her long curls, making it easier to deal with.  It’s no longer stringy and separate, or hanging like a long rastafarian’s dreadlocks. In the car she began telling my husband and I that the reason she wants to do her own hair is because of all the bitching I did while removing the tangles.  Sometimes we would go 3 or 4 days without taking on the task, and then it would be an overwhelming nightmare. …

How to win the lottery. Tips from mathematicians

We all wondered how to win the lottery, but what we would do with the lotto millions! Some would buy the car they dream of, the villa with the pool they see in movies or the neighbors, or they would travel all over the world. Others would help others in need. For this, however, some luck is needed. However, mathematicians say that luck is made by the man with his hand, being almost certain that you can greatly increase your chances of winning with the help of mathematics. How to win the lottery – that’s the secret Renato Gianella, a…

Diabetic Hell and/or My Husband is an Evil Genius

It’s been about 10 years that I’ve known about my diabetes and the fact that it means I should consume no white sugar, no white flour.  In the beginning I took it quite seriously. I remember sitting in a restaurant with tears streaming down my face as I ordered a turkey sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce, onion and mustard while my family members ate french fries and burgers. Do I tend toward feeling sorry for myself?  Oh fuck yes.  It’s not a trait I like, not something I feel pride in, but at least I’m honest.  I’m like a…

Human Meat Loaf Explodes

The only thing that motivates me most days is anger, not love or money or sex or competition, just anger.  I like the feeling that my head is about to pop off. When life is smooth I’m basically a human meat loaf. It’s most often people on Facebook who do me the favor of pissing me off, since I am a social misfit who only leaves the house when absolutely necessary. Today a woman named Lisa is asking how long her husband gets a free pass before she can call him an asshole.  They’re on their way to his mother’s…

There’s A Burrito In My Pants

My daughter and I were on our way to meet friends at Barnes & Noble.  As always, I was running late. The only time it would ever interest me to scrub out the tub is when the car is packed to go on vacation.  Similarly, I might start a blog entry when I’m supposed to meet someone, like today, in an hour. The end result: I never take the time to properly put myself together.  I wear the same clothes I slept in more often than the average bear. On this particular Saturday night, as Rachel and I flew down the road,…

No Matter Where I Go, There I Am

Since my husband retired our lives have simply been weird. For close to three months I’ve been sleeping on the couch. It took a while to get used to it, but now I’m relatively comfy and it works. But when I wake up in the morning he is sitting approximately three feet from my head, as is exhibited in the following photo: Our home is relatively large, but every morning he’s right there working on a sudoku puzzle in the NY Post. To be perfectly fair, this is the seat he always sat in before I began sleeping on the…

On Books & Life ~ Part Three (A Conclusion)

The book combination noted throughout this 3-part entry could probably be used as Exhibit #1 in a competency hearing re: schizophrenia.  The shiny bow on this package is “Arguably Essays By Christopher Hitchens.”  At least 2/3 could have been written in another language, full of history & esoteric literary references.  Let me say it first, I’m not a deep thinker.  I glance.  I peruse.  I skip to the last chapter. But the essays on VietNam, Agent Orange, North Korea & the Kennedys left my mouth an open invitation to flies.  There are books and then there are BOOKS.  There are authors and then there are THINKERS and DOERS.…

On Books & Life ~ Part Two

Nothing about parenting children prepares us for parenting adults. I did not want to accept that I’m no longer even a consultant unless my son asks for my opinion.  He’s an adult male, more successful & responsible than I’ve ever been.  It’s his life, not mine. Yes, I considered discussing this with him; however, he views my cautionary remarks as something an old female hunchback would say to preface a hex.  “Be safe“ translates as: “You’re a moron so be extra careful.” Or in this instance: “To avoid destruction via your penis, here are pointers on how I handle mine.“ It’s not as if I’ve never instructed him…

On Books & Life ~ Part One

I read the book “Blue Nights” last month but unfortunately I’ve become a skimmer.  Similar to my recent attitude about relationships, my attention span is no longer capable of hanging in there unless I’m completely spellbound. So it was interesting to find this quote today: “When I began writing these pages I believed their subject to be children, the ones we have and the ones we wish we had, the ways in which we depend on our children to depend on us, the ways in which we encourage them to remain children, the ways in which they remain more unknown to us than…

Thieves & Heartbreakers &/or I Cried Like A Jackass in Johnny Rockets

Today I found out that someone I know spent $140,000 to get pregnant through In-Vitro Fertilization. I told my husband about it and he said, “To each his own.”  What a stupid fucking thing to say.  I mean, yes, to each his own. But isn’t that kind of a conversation stopper? There are so many pieces of this subject we could discuss, ad nauseum.  Instead, he seems to think conversation is unnecessary, perhaps hedonistic. How did I marry a man so adverse to communication when it’s so necessary for my mental health? If you read my comments, though, you know that Soapbox Diva…