Large Fruit

So, keeping busy for the past few days. Studying away for my Real Estate exam that I’m pretty sure I’m going to FAIL! Since I left the class we have all been keeping each other posted via email if we’ve passed the exam. Everyday that I check my email I get another update on another classmate that has successfully passed the exam. Yippee! ….I guess when they don’t hear from me it’s safe to say I failed right?

Well on top of all this “excitement”, I recently found out on Monday that I have an Ovarian cyst. Excellent! Just what I wanted! I went for an ultrasound for my bladder that is purposely destroying my life every waking minute by inflaming it’s goddamn self for NO reason. Not to mention that I’m highly allergic to every antibiotic known to mankind! Pretty sure my purpose in life was to be terminated by itself.

Anyways, so I’m in for this bladder ultrasound when the technician goes out of his way to “inform” me of this lovely news. To my understanding, you are just an ultrasound technician and you aren’t entitled to disclose this information to me. Thanks for literally SHOWING me this cyst the size of a freaking grapefruit dangling from my right ovary.
“Look here, do you see that? Do you see what I’m looking at?”
“….. Oh you mean that large black circle that takes up 90% of the screen. Yah I see it”

He then proceeds to inform me that I need a internal ultrasound camera inspection…. A what?

” Are you sexually active?”

“….depends on what test your planning on doing”

He then shows me this full out contraption with a camera on the end of it. After staring at it for a total of 27 seconds I calmly reply with,

“… I am 100 % positive that I’m a virgin and therefor, you are forbidden to use that.”

After 15 minutes of conversing back and forth of how important this test is, he then decides to inform me that it could possibly be because of my menstrual cycle and that it could just pop on its own.

…. Okay? And if it doesn’t? Then the next option is removal right?

So let me explain to you how I’ve been trying everything in my power to purposely try as pop this thing!
I hold my breath and try and create internal pressure. I push on the area and with every thrust I scream out POP! When I don’t think it’s working I resort to yelling at it.. POP YOU SON OF A BITCH! POP!
I engage in extreme physical activity, such as explosive leg and abdominal exercises. And when I feel pain, I run to the bathroom to check in hopes to find good news…. But nope. Nada.

So! … The internal examination is on Monday and well… I DON’T WANNA :'(

Watch, it’s gunna pop during the Real Estate exam. Knowing my shitty luck, BAM In the Ovary!..Exam is on Saturday morning… *Sigh*

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